Scream Queens (Season 1)
1.01 – Pilot (September 22, 2015)
Directed by: Ryan Murphy • Written by: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Ian Brennan

Dean Munsch declares that Kappa must accept any pledge; Chanel’s plan to scare the pledges goes horribly wrong; The Red Devil begins wrecking havoc.

  • Of course you are. Cuz that’s the only way this situation could get more depressing. Please leave.
  • I’m gonna barf on your face unless you get out of here!
  • How did my life turn into this? I marched for the equal rights amendment. I burned my bra in the middle of this campus. And then left school to intern for Gloria Steinem at Ms. Magazine. This generation? They couldn’t give a rat’s ass about any of it. Nothing’s changed.
  • As I can’t destroy every phone on earth, that’ll remain a possibility.

  • 1.02 – Hell Week (September 22, 2015)
    Directed by: Brad Falchuk • Written by: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Ian Brennan

    As Chanel hazes the new pledges, the murders continues; Gigi hires security to protect the sisters; Grace learns a dark secret about Kappa house.

  • I’ve got news for you, self-involved junior, just because you know a guy who was in class with the dead girl’s roommate does not mean that it could have been you.
  • Let’s just say, worst case scenario, that there is a crazed serial killer on the loose, a cannibal who skins his victims and sells them as food.

  • 1.03 – Chainsaw (September 29, 2015)
    Directed by: Ian Brennan • Written by: Ian Brennan

    Chanel turns Hester into her next project; Chanel #3 shares a secret; A surprising connection between two students is revealed; Chad leads the fraternity into a witch hunt for the Red Devil.

  • Do yourself a favor. Stay away from my man. Wes and I are kind of an item, and I call dibs.

  • 1.04 – Haunted House (October 6, 2015)
    Directed by: Bradley Buecker • Written by: Brad Falchuk

    Zayday makes a stunning announcement; Chanel concocts a devious plan; Pete and Grace visit a mysterious woman connected to Kappa’s past; Dean Munsch struggles to keep Wallace University open.

  • Do you mean to suggest I changed out of my nightgown, strapped myself into a skin-tight pleather Red Devil costume, climbed out a second-story dormer and shimmied to the ground with a chainsaw before entering a window I had left open, tried to kill you, then leapt out the window, climbed back up the wall, changed back in my nightgown and raced downstairs, all in the course of about ninety seconds?
  • I’m protecting you. I’m protecting your families. And you may think I’m a monster tonight, but years from now, when you have lived a boring, painfully uncreative life in a home filled with Pottery Barn sofas and no integrity, you’re gonna remember me as I truly am… your guardian angel.

  • 1.05 – Pumpkin Patch (October 13, 2015)
    Directed by: Brad Falchuk • Written by: Brad Falchuk

    Dean Munsch makes an announcement that impacts Chanel’s plan to throw a pumpkin-patch party; Pete and Grace search for Zayday.

  • I have no idea how you got into this college.

  • 1.06 – Seven Minutes in Hell (October 20, 2015)
    Directed by: Brad Falchuk • Written by: Brad Falchuk

    Chanel makes a decision in an attempt to protect herself that puts Zayday in a position of power; The Kappa sisters make a shocking discovery during a slumber party.

  • Oh come on. You and I both know that that lesbian was cannon fodder. And think about it, what kind of life was that guy gonna live with no arms, really? They were but a small price to pay for the knowledge that I can now place a robocall to every parent and student at this university saying that as long as they are not a sister of, pledging, or sleeping with someone from Kappa House, they are safe to resume normal school activities.

  • 1.07 – Beware of Young Girls (November 3, 2015)
    Directed by: Barbara Brown • Written by: Ryan Murphy

    Dean Munsch comes face-to-face with her ex-husband’s mistress; The Chanels use a Ouija board in hopes of communicating with the deceased Chanel #2 and identifying the killer.

  • I don’t trust a girl with a huge bush of pubic hair. Makes me think she has something to hide.
  • I knew I had one Hurricane too many but, let’s be honest, one Hurricane is one Hurricane too many. But so drunk that you fall down the stairs in your own apartment? Wow!
  • Well, that shows you how drunk I was. I hallucinated a flight of stairs!
  • Oh no, no. When my mouth has been where it’s been on your body, I think we can safely say we are more than “kinda friends.”
  • Here’s to young girls getting what they had coming to them.

  • 1.08 – Mommie Dearest (November 10, 2015)
    Directed by: Michael Uppendahl • Written by: Ian Brennan

    Dean Munsch comes face-to-face with her ex-husband’s mistress; The Chanels use a Ouija board in hopes of communicating with the deceased Chanel #2 and identifying the killer.

  • Let me lay out a hypothetical for you. In this state, there is no statute of limitations for homicide. Now, hypothetically, if I was at Kappa that night, and I did, hypothetically, cover up this hypothetical negligent homicide, I would, hypothetically, not be responsible for that girl’s death. But I would hypothetically *undoubtedly* be an accessory after the fact. So when these murders started up, even if I hypothetically thought they were related to the events of 20 years ago, I couldn’t, hypothetically, start offering up information to the… hypothetical police, or anyone else, for that matter, because I risk, hypothetically, implicating myself. Hypothetically, of course.
  • This school could survive a few serial killings, but I really don’t think that this university could handle losing me. Neither can I, frankly.
  • Do you know why I never went into therapy? Because the less we know about ourselves, the better. Rummaging around in your life, it’s like digging through a landfill. Sure, you may happen upon something interesting, but you’re gonna get filthy.
  • You scheduled this meeting. That means you talk first and I do my best to try to pretend to listen.

  • 1.09 – Ghost Stories (November 17, 2015)
    Directed by: Michael Uppendahl • Written by: Ryan Murphy

    Denise tells a terrifying ghost story; Hester’s announcement pushes Chanel to the brink; A familiar face returns; The killer claims another victim.

  • I do have something that might be of interest to you about that night in the tub. There were two babies, a boy and a girl. Twins. After I sent your mother and her two slightly-less-bitchy friends out to get pillow cases and shovels, the girl in the tub let out a death rattle that was so loud and powerful that she expelled a second child from her freshly dead womb.
  • I am not only gonna make sure that you are taken off this case and fired, but I’m gonna make sure that everyone you know knows that when we had sex, you asked me *in baby talk* if you could nurse from me.

  • 1.10 – Thanksgiving (November 24, 2015)
    Directed by: Michael Lehmann • Written by: Brad Falchuk

    Chad takes Chanel to his family’s home for Thanksgiving, where a surprise guest shows up uninvited; Dinner at Kappa House explodes with accusations of who they think the killer is.

  • THAN… Dean Munsch. “Than.” Not “then,” “than.” Have you ever even cracked open a book or attended a class?
  • Wait a minute. There’s a part *other* than bribing a government official with drugs so that you can steal the hair of a dead man that you’re ashamed of?
  • I think we can all agree that one of the Red Devil killers is Boone. I propose that the other Red Devil killer is… Chanel #3.
  • God, I hate you people!

  • 1.11 – Black Friday (December 1, 2015)
    Directed by: Barbara Brown • Written by: Ian Brennan

    The Red Devil has plans to disrupt Black Friday for the Chanels; Believing Dean Munsch is the killer, the Kappa sisters devise a plan to stop her; A shocking confession is made.


    1.12 – Dorkus (December 8, 2015)
    Directed by: Bradley Buecker • Written by: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Ian Brennan

    The Red Devil has plans to disrupt Black Friday for the Chanels; Believing Dean Munsch is the killer, the Kappa sisters devise a plan to stop her; A shocking confession is made.

  • Well, uh… Seeing as you remained celibate for a full 18 years and then decided to re-pop your cherry with the most mentally ill woman on campus, I’m gonna take that with a grain of salt.

  • 1.13 – The Final Girl(s) (December 8, 2015)
    Directed by: Brad Falchuk • Written by: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Ian Brennan

    In the final aftermath of the Red Devil killings, the remaining killer isn’t finished with the survivors and has something in store for them.

  • Well, Hester, your high school transcripts are clearly faked, and I’m guessing you made up your SAT scores ’cause it’s not possible to get one million percent on them. Now, that being said, we do have a new mandate here at Wallace University for special needs diversity, and seeing as we have no students with spinal deformities, I am going to take a chance on you.